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Phaelia

Phaelia’s (Completely Made Up) WotLK Preview

May 9, 2008
Categories: Humor

MMO Champion has a nice summary of the new information regarding the Wrath of the Lich King expansion. “Nice” but distinctly lacking in Druid-relevance. After poring over everything I could get my leafy hands on and finding essentially no reference to Druids, I decided I’d share with you my own brand of Druid-appropriate WotLK preview!

wotlk_hibernate Druids to be Masters of Crowd Control

With the involvement of … one or more colors of Dragonflight, it only follows that portions of Northrend be swarming with Dragonkin. With the spell “Hibernate,” Boomkin will finally have the CC-based role they’ve been begging for. The spell will actually see an increase in utility as, when cast upon flying targets, it will cause the victim to crash to the ground and take falling damage in proportion to its body mass. Blizzard, however, will have the last laugh as Boomkin can’t cast Hibernate.

Balance and Feral Trees Scrapped

Video scenes seem to imply that Druids will gain access to two new forms: a Fire Tree and a Frost Tree! Correspondingly, our two non-Tree-based talent trees will be replaced with talent trees similar to those of the Mage class: Fire and Frost.

wotlk_firetree wotlk_frosttree

wotlk_direcatDire Cat Form

In a bizarre amalgam of the Dire Bear and Cat Forms, Blizzard finally introduces the long-awaited Dire Cat Form for Druids. Shown at left howling at a full moon, we can only assume it will have Ghost Wolf-like speed and accordingly restore Feral Druids to their rightful Arena dominance (though due to susceptibility to Hunter’s Scare Beast, they’ll still spend the majority of Arena matches pillar humping like their Resto brethren).

Improved Mobility

Leafshine writes more about this in his article, New Wrath of the Lich King info - What about Druids?, but I’ve discovered evidence that his hopes might be true, including an image of what can only be the Druid’s new Aquatic Form, an orca! To make up for never giving us Teleport: Cenarion Refuge in the Burning Crusade expansion, we’ll be able to teleport to a strange, hollowed out tree city, making trips to the Auction House and back to Northrend less arduous!

wotlk_aquaticform wotlk_teleport

I hope you’ve enjoyed this exclusive (totally fabricated) preview of what we Druids can expect to see in the expansion, and I’ll do my best to keep you posted on new information as it develops!

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( 3 ) Comments
Categories: Humor
Phaelia

The Arbor Day Challenge

May 7, 2008
Categories: Community, Humor

ancients In honor of June 1 as Arbor Day … in Cambodia (I missed this year’s U.S. observance), I am issuing a challenge to readers! It will test both skill and dedication! I want PICTURES of your TREE OF LIFE with the following:

  • A [Cenarion Expedition Tabard], demonstrating your worthiness to be hugged by that hippiest of factions
  • One or more of the following: [Enormous Barbed Gill Trout], [Red Winter Hat] or [Green Winter Hat], [Grayson’s Torch] or [Elune’s Lantern], [Farmer’s Broom] or [Pitchfork], [Crown of the Fire Festival]
  • The 2-piece T4, T5, or T6 set bonus OR, alternatively, the chest, helm, and legs from Wildheart, Cenarion, Stormrage, or Dreamwalker sets! Show us your old-school pride!
  • 2 stacks of [Heavy Netherweave Bandage] for handing out to those people who still use the annoying “Heal Me!” emote
  • A stack of [Lesser Mana Potion] for giving to people who ask for your Innervate
  • A pair of gloves enchanted with [Enchant Gloves - Fishing]
  • The [Violet Signet of the Grand Restorer], demonstrating unwavering commitment to fixing whatever the heck is wrong in Karazhan
  • A [Shiny Red Apple] with which to taunt hungry Ferals
  • A [Swashbuckler Shirt] of any color; ‘ARRRRGG!! YE BE A PIRATE TREE!’
  • The ability to build a [Basic Campfire] without setting yourself ablaze (actually including the bonfire in your picture is purely optional)
  • 20 x [Maple Seed] to use when casting Rebirth out of combat or for planting baby versions of yourself

Submission Requirements

To participate in this challenge, you must send me a screenshot of your Druid meeting the above requirements. In honor of Arbor Day, pictures should be taken while in Tree of Life and should meet the following criteria:

  • Nothing should obstruct the full and glorious view of your character you’ve (no inventory screens or character sheets; we just want to see your Tree).
  • Include a description of your surroundings or really any sort of flavor text you like.
  • Feel free to include your favorite non-combat pet in the picture, particularly if you feel it complements your roleplay backstory.
  • Be creative with your backdrops, and feel free to combine entries with your friends. A forest of trees would be great!
  • Note that if your Tree of Life is of the … purple variety, I will not include your character server name.

I’ll be compiling all the appropriate entries into a gallery of images for the site and showcasing a few of my favorites. Entries should be in TGA or JPG format and can be sent to me at resto4life@NO SPAM!.com. Entries must be submitted no later than Friday, May 30th.


Advertising the Arbor Day Challenge

For other blog authors interested in encouraging participation in this contest, Valenna has created the following *.PNG banners (feel free to create your own):

   

I hope that many authors from the Restoration branch of the World Tree will opt to play along themselves!

Taking TGA Screenshots in World of Warcraft

If you prefer to take your screenshots in TGA format, use Notepad or another plain text editor to open the config.wtf file found in your WTF directory. Find and change the lines that look like this:

SET screenshotFormat “JPG”
SET screenshotQuality “3″

So that they look like this:

SET screenshotFormat “TGA”
SET screenshotQuality “10″

Save the file and close it. Note that you’ll need to restart WoW for your changes to be effective.

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Categories: Community, Humor
Phaelia

"Never Die" by Nilianil

May 1, 2008
Categories: Community, Humor
Double Chocolate Alliance Cake by Relic
Cake from the Post-Battleground Alliance Pity Party

Reader Nilianil of Silver Hand (US) recently posted a hilarious parody of the song from the end credits of Portal. For those of you living under a rock (or just raiding 24-7), you can listen to the original via YouTube: Still Alive by GLaD0S

This was a letdown.
I’m making a note here:
HUGE FAILURE.
It’s hard to overstate
My disappointment.
PvP Warriors.
We Mortal Strike you because we can.
For the good of all of us,
Except the ones who aren’t friends.
But there’s just one cunning class I simply can’t beat.
You just keep on running it’s almost like you cheat.
And the 2v2 gets done,
And I realize there’s a ton
Of these druids who just
Never die.

I’m not even angry.
I’m being so sincere right now.
Even through you broke my snare
And bashed me.
And danced around pillars,
And threw all your HoTs, onto, yourself.
As they ticked it hurt because
I simply could not kill you.
Now these PTR notes give some peace to my mind,
And we’re out of 2.3 they’re patching on time.
Though we had to get burned,
Think of all the things Blizz learned
‘Bout the druids who just
Never die.

Go ahead and root me.
I wish that Arena was inside.
Maybe I’ll find someone that can free me.
Maybe the Pallies.
That was a joke, HA HA, CYCLONE.
Anyway their tears are great;
They’re so delicious and moist.
Look at me still typing when there’s Arena to do.
When I check the ratings I get sad I’m not you.
I’ve some matches to be run,
There is screaming to be done
At the Druids who just
Never die.

And believe me they’ll just never die.
They’re always drinking so they’ll never die.
They’re pillar humping and they’ll never die.
With their Lifebloom they’ll just never die.
And when you’re Cycloned they’ll just never die.
Never die.
Never die.

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Phaelia

Phaelia’s Guide to Roguery

March 31, 2008
Categories: Community, Humor

While switching from Druid to Rogue is a seldom-made choice (why play a Rogue when you can already play a Cat?), I thought I’d share with you a few tips on playing a Rogue from my extensive experience playing with Valenna over the years:

  1. Sneak! Sneak! Sneak!Stab things. Or slash them. But don’t smash them. People who smash are PEE-VEE-PEEers, are considered inferior, and are not really cut out for raiding.
  2. Damage meters are your life and are almost as important as loot.
  3. Exclude Beastmaster Hunters from your damage meter output. They’re so easy to play, they should be considered hired NPCs. And exclude Mages who have the unfair advantage of AOE. Exclude Warlocks for being … Warlocks. If you ever find yourself not at the top of the damage meters, it is because Blizzard hates you and has designed the encounter to screw over Rogues. On the other hand, when you do top the damage meters, it is clearly due to your superior skill.
  4. Watch your threat. Watch it go higher and higher. Whee!!
  5. Never use Feint. If you absolutely have to, make sure everyone knows (a raid-wide announcement is appropriate). If, after using Feint, you end up below #1 on the damage meters, blame it on the tanks’ lack of aggro forcing you to waste valuable energy to Feint.
  6. If you die, it’s because Vanish is broken. If you pull aggro, it is because Vanish is broken. If you aren’t #1 on the damage meters … you guessed it. It’s because Vanish is broken.
  7. Running out of AOEs is for pansies and people who aren’t #1 on the damage meters.
  8. Don’t use poisons. They’re expensive and time-consuming to create. Just press your stabbing/slashing buttons harder; it’s almost the same thing.
  9. Complain about how Blind is an inferior crowd control to Cyclone. Ignore all other forms of crowd control at your disposal. Fervently insist that Gouge, Sap, Kidney Shot, and Cheap Shot are not forms of crowd control but merely roleplaying features appropriate to your class.
  10. Never, under any circumstances, use bandages, healthstones, or — Elune forbid — healing potions. Give a healer any room to slack off and you’ll be expected to maintain your own health indefinitely and waste valuable seconds and global cooldowns that could instead be used to DPS.
  11. If you ever must violate #10, make sure everyone knows. Keep a running tally of how much money the healer owes you in expensive, life-saving consumables.
  12. YOU should get the battle rez. No one else. Not the MT healer, not the Mage responsible for crowd controlling the Square who’s about to break. Not even the other Druid who still has a battle rez. And if you know your Druid has a battle rez available, be sure to die before the DPS Warrior.
  13. Gloat over your ability to destroy X, Y, and/or Z class in PvP. Ignore the fact that it is merely a current design quirk of your spec/class/gear that allows you to do so. Bemoan the nerfing of this clearly (unadmittedly) overpowered ability.
  14. Playing DPS is HARD. Don’t let anyone tell you different. You are important! You are a beautiful and unique snowflake! Along the same lines, frequent AFKs are acceptable as long as you leave yourself on auto-attack and within range of the mob you’re stabbing (or on auto-follow).
  15. Grossly over-exaggerated battle pose emphasizing my Roguely prowessNever get rid of anything. You never know when you might need that level 65 quest reward with 4 more attack power (but otherwise vastly inferior stats) than what you’re currently wearing. Who says Druids need to be the only ones with four sets of armor in their banks?
  16. Your racial abilities are vastly inferior to those provided to Rogues of other races.
  17. It is acceptable for you to always be the person who aggros additional mobs when your group is moving through a dangerous area. This makes up for all the times you don’t aggro things while sapping.
  18. "I thought I was stealthed" is a perfectly valid excuse … for anything. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise; they aren’t Rogues and wouldn’t understand.
  19. Mana Tide doesn’t increase your standing on the damage meters. Windfury does. Therefore, a Shaman in your group is worth two in the raid.
  20. Lament every new Rogue that joins your raids, be they newly-leveled alternates of guildmates or an applicant to your guild. Simultaneously complain that your class is much less desirable than it was at release.
  21. If, in an upcoming Patch, changes are made to all other classes that would be considered nerfs, bemoan the fact that Blizzard just doesn’t care about Rogues.
  22. It is completely unfair that there is only one set of gear for you to roll on. You should at least be allowed to roll on Ret-Pally and Enhancement Shaman gear to make up for the fact you only get to roll on DPS-Rogue leather — of which there is none.
  23. Along those same lines, there is not, nor will there ever be, an upgrade for you wherever you go. In fact, all your current items are probably just sidegrades from the gear you had at level 60.
  24. DPS Warriors should never have priority on weapons, rings, necklaces, trinkets, etc. because they can also tank. All you have is DPS! This goes double triple for Druids!
  25. Opening lockboxes is hardly a class-defining skill. The skill should either be made self-only, or the boxes that you unlock should become soulbound.
  26. Blog … but only occasionally. And only when you’re guilted into doing so by your best friend, Phaelia.

In parallel to this guide, Valenna has written a guide for Druiding (he refers to it as "Druidity").

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Categories: Community, Humor
Phaelia

Underwater Injustice

March 28, 2008
Categories: Humor

Amidst the excitement surrounding the release of Patch 2.4, I think it important that we Druids not lose sight of an issue that has plagued our class almost since its inception. While Bears, Cats, Moonkin, and Trees lament the sameness of their forms, they take for granted the immense personality granted to them by one simple feature: /dance. Alas, the poor, neglected Aquatic Form has no such emote. We swim to the left and swim to the right but can’t even put a flipper in and take it out in some semblance of an underwater hokey-pokey. I know that some will argue that the awkward Sea Lion form doesn’t lend itself well to dancing, that Sea Lions simply can’t dance! Therefore, I submit the following for your consideration:


Special thanks to Bellwether from 4 Haelz for sharing this with me!
I need a crotch-grabbing animation, too!

As part of this community-driven effort, I hope to convince Andrige, creator of the gorgeous skins for all of our other forms to modify our Aquatic Form as shown above. ^^

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Recent Comments

Some Would Have Made Him into Boots… (5)

Zackoria
Never cared to have one of those. They may look cute now but then they grow up and there goes your neighbors dog. *CHOMP* Be sure to keep him away from such tasty morsels. ^_^

Blake
So not fair! Been fishing almost every day and not one pet reward. Perhaps the chances of you finding a croc is inversely related to the number of pets you have. I’ve demonstrated I can take care of my current 65 pets, yet Old Man Barlo doesn’t think I can handle a croc.

Tone
Hey, congratulations! :-) Those little guys are pretty awesome. I haven’t had any Crocolisks turn up in my bags yet, though I did have quite a lucky fishing streak recently, catching not one, but two Mr. Pinchies. So I’m still hoping for a Magical Crawdad. Unfortunately, so far, I’ve only gotten two Furious Mr. Pinchies (”No, Mr. Pinchy, don’t do it! AHHH!! MY EYE!!!!”) and two potion gift packs. I still have two more tries though, so everyone think...

Softi
Gratz! I’m still waiting to get one from that quest… one day!

Noobiewan
Toothy looks sooooo cute. Been hearing of Crocs in the canals for years but never seen one. Time to go hunting the canals!
Home is Where the Hearth Is (22)

Tone
These are all really good, interesting ideas. I’d love to see what Blizzard could do with this sort of thing. Then again, let’s just hope they wouldn’t model it *too* closely after The Sims… or else your Alt, who’s just starting to level cooking, will wind up burning your house down!! :-o Might have to keep a Mage around for an emergency Cone of Cold! ;-)
LFD = Looking for Designer (13)

Ermengol
Oooooh so much better now :D

Phaelia
Thank you to everyone who commented or e-mailed me. I did finally find a solution to the problem, thanks to the assistance of reader Tone. For those curious, I added an align=”center” attribute to my header DIV. Then he had me change my div#phaelia style so that it looks like this: div#phaelia { background-image: url(images/phae_tol_side.gif); position: relative; /*z-index: -1;*/ top: 150px; left: -613px; height: 429px; width: 261px; margin-bottom: -429px; } That seems to...
Phaelia’s (Completely Made Up) WotLK Preview (3)

Tars
I am sure druids will play a major role in next expansion. Personally I am looking forward to join (as said on www.eurogamer.net) “D.E.H.T.A. - Druids for the Ethical and Humane Treatment of Animals - in their campaign against the rapacious dwarf hunter Hemet Nesingwary”. The hunter will become the hunted, so to say. *sharpens claws*
Hammer’s Slammers (25)

Tone
Hi there, I’m a bit late responding to this, but I just wanted to thank you for putting together a great article. I read it back when it was first posted, but didn’t have a chance to comment until now. I found it to be a very honest and even-handed overview of tanking (and tanks! ;-) ). I can very much relate to everything you’re saying. My druid is what I would call an “up and coming” tank. I’m still fairy new to it, but am getting better all the time....
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